Death. This is a very difficult subject to talk about, but one that is necessary.
We recently lost my mother-in-law, the last of our parents. Knowing she is much better off and no longer in pain, does not help our missing her.
One of the things that made her passing a little less painful is that her wishes were known and final arrangements had already been made. Additionally, my husband was already taking care of her finances.
(This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase from one of my links, I may receive a commission or credit at no additional cost to you. For more info, please read my Affiliate Information Policy.)
I have been quite retrospective since her passing, knowing my husband and I have several things on our to-do list to prepare for life without the other. Losing someone is difficult enough on its own, without having to figure things out.
After a bit of research, I came up with the following list. I hope you will benefit from it.
- Have an up-to-date will. If you don’t have a will, plan to do it as soon as possible. This is especially critical if you have minor children. You need to review your will if anything significantly changes such as a change in finances.
- Discuss your funeral wishes. We have our funeral plots purchased already but need to do funeral pre-planning. There are also options to pre-pay expenses. The pre-payment is an option to discuss with your financial adviser. Plans can vary widely and state laws also vary. Whether you pay in advance or not, the actual pre-planning is definitely a good idea. If you would prefer your surviving spouse or children do a simple more economical service, they will need to understand that. Decisions made after death are difficult for the survivors.
- Store deeds, passports, insurance policies, and other important papers in a fireproof box at home. The reason it should be located at home is so it is accessible whenever it might be needed. A safe deposit box is only available during regular business hours and can also be legally hard to get into. We have a fireproof safe where we keep these documents. It is also a good idea to have a list of financial accounts and to keep them updated. After Nana’s passing, we decided that our children (they are adults) need the combination in our safe box in case something happened to both of us.
- Another document for your fire safe box is a list of contacts that need to be advised when a spouse dies. The list should include at least your lawyer, accountant, or financial adviser.
- OK – this is a tough one. You need a Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare. A living will is a written, legal document that spells out medical treatments you would and would not want to be used to keep you alive, as well as your preferences for other medical decisions, such as pain management or organ donation. The health care power of attorney is a type of advance directive where you name a person to make decisions for you when you are unable to do so. These advance directives can also vary by state, so I think it is a good idea to consult an attorney. Keep these documents in your safe box.
- Another legal document to get is a durable financial power of attorney. It grants someone legal authority to act on your behalf for financial issues such as paying bills if you are unable to do it yourself. As with other legal documents, there may be state-specific options so consulting with an attorney is a good idea.
- So much of our life these days is electronic. Although I struggle with this idea, passwords need to be recorded somewhere. The list should be a part of your safe box documents. Remember all devices including phones and tablets.
- Another list to create is one that includes all bills, when they are paid, and how they are paid.
- You need to check your beneficiaries every now and then to be sure things are still as you want them to be.
- Verify that credit cards are set up the way you want them to be. If only one spouse is the owner of a card, you will not be able to use it after they pass.
Most of the documents above need to be discussed with your family. The decisions should be your own but letting your family know your wishes may help to avoid some difficult moments for them in the future.
Keep in mind that all these suggestions are not just for older folks. Unfortunately, unexpected end-of-life situations can happen at any age, so it’s important for all adults to prepare these documents.
I hope this article is not too grim. That was not my intent at all! Sometimes we have to think about and handle uncomfortable topics.
Janet
A living will and POA are both great tips!!
Thanks for your comment! Yes they are – so much to do to be prepared.
I think you handled a difficult subject very well! I will be implementing these tips as soon as possible.
Thank you for your kind comment Penny! Yes, it is a difficult subject but unfortunately one we cannot avoid. I do hope my information helps you! Janet
I dealt with my handicapp brother. Shocked he took out a Quicken Loan. Yes I had his checking account , really didn’t use it only to pay bills. Then I found out he had several life insurance policy’s. And he had an adopted daughter, which put me out in the cold.
Now my in law passed. They wrote their will. Together all on one sheet. With their sons as witnesses. Still not a good thing.
Thank you for your comments. Wow, you have had a lot to deal with! I’m sorry you have had such trouble. Your comment is a perfect example why planning is so important.
Thank you for sharing.
Janet
Thank You for that list. I’ve been struggling with this very topic. It’s hard to know where to start. I have bits and pieces. This will really help.
Thank you! Sorry I missed your comment before 🙁 This is a hard subject to think about.
Thank you, your list is a terrific eye opener. We had done everything on your list but didn’t even think about the bank being closed for family to get into our safety deposit box. Great ideas.
Thank you Hazel! So glad you got something out of the article that will help you! This is a difficult thing to think about.
Janet
Yes, it is grim, but vital. My husband recently passed away after a long illness. He claimed everything was organised and I needn’t worry. Sadly, it was not. The hours I have spent on phone calls and emails are many, and it has been a very stressful time. I urge everyone to prepare everything you have mentioned. Thank you
Jue,
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Also, that things continue to be stressful as you try to get everything in order. Preparing for the possibility of losing your spouse (or other family members) can be so difficult, but as you are a witness to, it is so very important. We have asked our adult daughter to handle things after we are both gone and without proper and full documentation, she would not be able to handle things. Bless you, and I hope things get somewhat better for you very soon.
Janet
when my husband passed away my adult stepdaughter filed a lawsuit to try to take my house away from me even though it was titled in my name. We are still in a court battle because she think she’s entitled to his money and possessions due to the fact that she was his biological daughter. I’ve learned a lot about the difference in laws between states and the importance of some documents that are rarely mentioned. Often, the surviving spouse becomes a target for emotional anger and financial attack.
Linda,
Thank you for your comment. I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. I cannot imagine how you feel, first losing your husband and then dealing with your stepdaughter. Sadly some people don’t care how cruel they are. I am praying for your situation. Janet
Thank you, some of my questions answered here .
Thanks! Glad to hear that.
Do you think quick claim should be in place. My husband has been ill for a long time. I was told l should get a quit claim deed on our house. Maybe our vechiles also.
Penny,
Thank you very much for your comment and for reading my post.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I wish I could answer your question, but I am not sure about the answer. It would best be covered by an attorney,
Janet
I need a lawyer to set up these documents, right? I have no idea where to begin.
Jan,
Thank you for commenting!
I understand how you feel. My husband and I did use an attorney for our wills and several other documents, but I have heard there are several online sites that offer help (both free and charged). You can do many things on your own like a contact list, password list, your final wishes, and letting your children or others know where the paperwork is. Talking to our children was tough because no one wants to seriously talk about your death. 🙁
I would suggest you shop around for a reasonable attorney for a will and power of attorney. Meanwhile, start on the other things you can do without an attorney, including funeral planning. I also believe you need a fireproof box to keep these documents. The hard part is getting started.
I pray God gives you wisdom and peace about these decisions.
Our 33 year old daughter died suddenly and getting into her computer was our first challenge. She actually had a will written which made some things easier but I love your suggestions here. Cell phone passwords! Thank you.
Renie,
So sorry for your loss! Losing a child must be the worst thing a parent has to endure. I appreciate you reading my article and making a comment. Thank you! Janet
One thing our attorney had us do was make sure and verify all our vehicles, boats, trailers, 4 wheelers, real estate properties, investment accounts, checking and bank accounts were titled to BOTH my husband and I with a ‘Right of Survivorship’. This will avoid headaches and delays. We went to our DMV and had to retitle a couple items. I verified how our financial accounts were setup. Just take the extra time to check this.
I also wrote a personal letter to my daughter letting her know some of my thoughts. I took this extra opportunity to tell her how much I loved her and how proud i was of her.
Bonnie,
Those are excellent points! Thank you for reading my article and adding your important thoughts!
We have a son and daughter but asked our daughter to execute our will. I have also created a list of people (attorney, financial advisor, etc.) with phone numbers and have it with the important papers in our safe.
I also wrote letters to both kids, which was hard! I didn’t like writing to them assuming I was gone. But it is something I wish my parents had done for me.
Thanks again!
Janet